Push Me So I Have No Choice
I love the person I become when I look at them. I'm filled with rage. My pulse doubles, but my breathing stops. I want to be pushed against the wall, but I will walk away. I will show them that I can walk away; that I want to walk away. I'll walk with power in my mind-I don't need anyone and you'll see. My soundtrack will play out in my head and give me overwhelming self-gratitude-I love me when I hate you...and I hate you. Grab me by the arms so I can yell at you and tell you to let go. I want to hurt you. Stare at me and I'll knock you down and I will win. I'll stare at you until my eyes lose colour. And I'm pushing you and I'm bringing you in. I'm taking your energy and twisting it with my mind. We are in the space in between and I hate you. So press your forehead against mine and I'll press back. Unclench my jaw with your mouth and I won't stop you, but my arms are stiff and I wrench my hands until my knuckles are white. Put energy on the small of my back and kiss the top of my spine. I hate you. Your hair will rip out and you will be shaking when I walk away and I will walk away. I'll push you with my eyes; I'll knock you down, I'll kick you down. Shake my nerves and push me. Push me so I have no choice. I hate you. I hate you and I will walk away. I'll walk away and you won't give a shit.
(R.)