Looking Back at Him
Maybe we need distractions from ourselves...maybe that's why we obsess so much about other people...mainly that guy, or the guy we want to come along. I only cling onto the guys who are bad for me...maybe I'm not ready for one who will stay around, because then I would be defined and settled. I don't want to settle, or be settled, but I do need something to keep me going until I've done what I need to do. I wan't to give a shit about something, until I feel like I'm something on my own, so I distract myself with these abusive guys. Or maybe I'm just obsessing because It's easier to understand when someone else hurts you than it is to understand when you hurt yourself. Those guys are people and it's as simple and as complicated as that. They keep us busy and challenge our defenses. Maybe we like them around because they relate to us in a sad kind of way...they relate to us in the fact that they don't look for the good in us. I have so much good in myself that I don't acknowledge and I'm sure that's the same for everyone...maybe it's time to deal with the pain we have in ourselves so that we don't need these people anymore...so that we can feel something real and not have to pretend. I don't know...ugh...these thoughts are so changable.